You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
