Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
