I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
