the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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