he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
