what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
