Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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