Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
