just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Even my vagina gasped.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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