Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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