she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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