Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
