my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
