You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
