arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
porn star boner night. come get it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
