it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
