Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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