so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
