hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
