Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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