There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Operation Purity has been aborted
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
