then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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