It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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