ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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