are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
