Porn is love you can see.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My bed smells like the plague
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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