so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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