She is in my trunk
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize