No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You don't know the capacity of my vagina