he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days