i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?