So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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