I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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