FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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