I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just puked most of my soul out..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
