you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
