So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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