She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
