Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My vagina just clenched in fear
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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