So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
