i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
