Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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