I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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