Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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