dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
