Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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