I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize