I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
