I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
