don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize