So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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