Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
