She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
