they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
