haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
