Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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