Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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