Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
