it wasn't lemon gatorade
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
