This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
