The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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