Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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