He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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