Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
